all roads lead me here
by sinkorswim13
Summary: It was time to let go, because maybe then she would finally hold on. Damon/Elena, Damon centric


**( I never imagined myself writing this- don't judge me- but here I am anyway. I am, and always will be a Stelena shipper- but I love Damon and I know I am not the only one who is slowly progressing into hating Elena. She plays around with their feelings, and regardless on who's 'team' I am, it's wrong and frankly, selfish. Both Stefan and Damon would do anything for her, and I'm not saying it's an easy choice- but it's one that's necessary. But here I am, with a Delena one shot- however it's quite short- please don't stop reading just because I am a Stelena shipper. Song is by Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody. This was actually written before 4x03 because there was a rumour Damon was leaving and while I'm aware this might have been because of whoever Elena didn't choose would leave Mystic Falls, I love the thought of Damon finally standing up to Elena in a way. Things went a bit differently in the episode but to be honest, Elena could use a good wake-up call. I'm only posting this because my friend, Miranda, encouraged me (here you go, you massive bitch ;)) but I might delete it later, it doesn't really feel 'good enough', it's really out of my comfort zone. Well, here we go, please review. )**

…

"_this is the last time i'm asking you this, put my name on the top of your list."_

...

At first, he had this certain liking for her because she looked exactly like Katherine. Katherine Pierce, a woman who he had loved and lived_ for_- for over a century.

She was so graceful and compassionate and kind and so much better than him. Slowly, with each one of her sacrifices, he was reminded she wasn't Katherine and that his heart could heal.

It hadn't been his intention to hurt his brother, or to repeat history, or to fall for her. But he did. He did all of those things and it served him right he ended up in the exact same spot as he did with Katherine.

Elena loved Stefan more than him, and she always would. And at first his selfish and narcissistic nature was convinced he could change her mind, that if he just did that or this- that she would change her mind. He didn't even care if Stefan would get hurt in the process.

He was reckless at times, and maybe love did get the best of him every damn time, but she was more like him than she wanted to admit. Stefan knew it, too- it wasn't just the paranoia of their past repeating but he knew that deep down Elena did love him.

She wasn't selfish- she would sacrifice her life for anyone she loved. That was part of the reason he loved her. She was cruel in the cruelest of ways. She told him she would never love him, not as much, yet- she would give him hope only to tear it down again.

For a moment he had thought that she might choose him. They did kind of make out at a motel and Stefan had just come back from God knows where, leaving a trail of mysterious human deaths behind and still he was the one who ended up with nothing.

He knows he can be an ass and let his emotions prevail- he failed at killing her little brother, he killed Stefan's best friend, he also vaguely remembers trying to kill Bonnie- but he doesn't think he deserves this.

Hell, he doesn't deserve her but she doesn't get to play around with his feelings like this. It's like she's desperately tugging one moment and the other moment she's trying to push away just as quickly.

She does love him, he knows that. He isn't trying to be arrogant but she told him and she meant it- yet she refused to admit to anyone else. It's just whenever he falls, he falls hard and he can't imagine love being anything else than that.

She saw something in him, his humanity even though he had thought it was long gone, along with his sanity, by the time he even met her.

He's not a fool, he knows that the fact he met her first won't change anything. But she remembers now, now that she is this monster like all of them- something he had tried to obviate but failed at. He wanted her to have more, you know- life gets boring and meaningless quickly when you can have a million different ones. He wanted her to be better than them, than this life. He failed but that happens and has so many times before- only now the loss was destructively great.

He met her first. She remembers. And it's not all she remembers.

Maybe that's why it hurts so much when she rejects him every time.

It just seems that when it comes to her all he's doing is apologizing and asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness for loving her, loving her too much or forgiveness for losing control or forgiveness for hurting Stefan's feelings or those of anyone else that obviously meant more to her than him. But no one was ever apologizing to him- she wasn't.

And maybe she kept tugging because she knew he'd be there. He _was_, _every_ time she asked. He helped her when she needed him, comforted her when Stefan wasn't there for her, he saved the lives of those she loved and he still wasn't good enough.

He could make her happy, he could make her see things differently, he could make her have fun- he could do all of those things but she won't let him.

He can't do this anymore. He can't be her second choice. He can't let her break his heart every time she smiles at him. He can't. He falls hard, but when his heart breaks it can never be fixed again. The first time nearly killed him. He loved Katherine too much. She bruised and tore his heart apart and somehow falling for Elena fixed it. The second, third, fourth, maybe fifth- he has lost count by now- did kill him. It killed him every time she looked at him or he saw her with Stefan or she called him up yet again for his help. He knew it would never hurt less than this, so that's why it had to stop.

Because if she refused to take a chance on him, if she refused to admit to herself that maybe Damon was the better choice for once, if she refused to acknowledge that maybe, maybe- she did love him _more_ but was too afraid to admit it- then what was he doing here?

It was time to let go, because maybe then she would finally hold on.

…

'_this is the last time i'm asking you why, you break my heart in the blink of an eye.'_

...


End file.
